Big Condolences For The Death of Honesty

Big condolences for the death of honesty.. That is all I can say.
I believed you then I asked you the clarity several times but still you kept building the lies. Knowing the unknowns and seeing the unseens. It hurts me, really.
You explained something which I know its not the truth. You will always win even when I'm right. That's what always happen.
Everytime I see those evidences, I give off a red aurora signifying the disappointment. I'm disappointed, its true.
I admit I'm jealous when you said 'that' is your second birthday, when you wrote her name and initials, when you still remembered every memories about her, never pay attention to me and in the other side I give my heart wholeheartedly.
It's unfair though. Once a liar, always a liar.
A LIE IS A LIE NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY AND DRESS IT UP IN THE END IT'S STILL A LIE.
That's what I regretted.
My mates trynna convince me not to keep it longer anymore but I can't lie to my feelings. No, I love you from the start. I keep on this track, try to fix it, I choose to trust you. I choose to believe your conviction. I keep waiting cause I believe someday you will get over her. Until then, you have this whole heart even though stay on it oftentimes make my tears roll down.
Not so sure that I lost my mind but I think sometimes we should be a masochist. I love you including all the lies you've said. Rihanna sings the truth.

Berasa dinyanyiin Walk Away - The Script

Aku takut ya, beneran takut.
Ini lirik kayaknya nampar banget, kayaknya berasa kamu nyanyi ini ke aku dengan omongan yg "...hope there's someone love you more than me" juga sejalan dengan sifat kamu yg mau menjauh, Diii. If you only knew, there's no one could love me better, but you.

Here is The Script's lyric:

I don't know why she's with me
I only brought her trouble since the day she met me
If I was her, by now I would have left me
I would have walked away
But now I've broken away
Somehow instead she forgave me
She said a woman's got to do what she's got to do
Even if it means she denied herself the truth
Cause when you're in too deep you wake up when it's too late,
You've fallen in love in the worst way
And if you don't go now then you'll stay
Cause I'll never let you leave, never let you breathe
Cause if you're looking for heaven, baby it sure as hell ain't me

So walk away (walk away)
Walk away, oh
Save yourself from the heartache, oh
Go now before it's too late
But still she stays

She's standing in the heart of darkness
Saying I know you got a soul even though you're heartless
How could any woman in their right mind be so blind,
To find something this safe
Instead of walking with me she should have walked away

She finds color in the darkest places
She finds beauty in the saddest of faces
For such a clued in, headstrong city girl
Could've had the world but she's fallen in love in the worst way
And if you don't go now then you'll stay
Cause I'll never let you leave, never let you breathe
Cause if you're looking for heaven, baby it sure as hell ain't me

So walk away (walk away)
Walk away, oh
Save yourself from the heartache, oh
Go now before it's too late
So walk away (walk away)
Walk away, oh
Save yourself from the heartache, oh
Go now before it's too late
But still she stays(Oh, yeah)
But still she stays(Oh, yeah)

I don't know why she's with me
I only brought her trouble since the day she met me
If I was her, by now I would have left me
I would have walked away

But you've fallen in love in the worst way
And if you don't go now then you'll stay
Cause I'll never let you leave, never let you breathe
Cause if you're looking for heaven, baby it sure as hell ain't me

So walk away (walk away)
Walk away, oh
Save yourself from the heartache, oh
Go now before it's too late
So walk away (walk away)
Walk away, oh
Save yourself from the heartache, oh
Go now before it's too late
But still she stays

But still she stays, eh
I'm saying walk away
Yeah
I'm saying walk away
(Save yourself from the heartache, go now before it's too late)
But still she stays
Still she stays
Yeah, she stays
She stays

1 chance, no more

have you ever had negative thoughts? I'm sure everyone had. And are those negative thoughts bothering you? obviously yes!
Who wants to think negatively? No one! but I must say that the thought must be cast away.
Honestly, this thought is torturing me. I know this is the result of bad experiences in the past. What so called the 'trauma'.
Throwing away trauma is as difficult as to throw away phobias.
It takes the process and also takes time.
Everything is not as easy as turning back your palm.
I learned to throw away the trauma and these negative thoughts.
Having bad thoughts about someone you love because you're afraid of losing him or ɑ fear being lied by is normal I guess. Why do you call it possessive? I'm not possessive, never crossed into my mind to be a possessive. I was in the time you feel tired of my will to learn this process, you decide to give up and make it end. I was panic, I messed up.
My tears dropped unrestrained. Chaos!
I tried to convince you several times not to end this. I apologized many times. I promised that night to throw away all those negative shits. I learned. Until you reach the point "ok then its up to you"
I asked you to say something about your decision.
You gave me one chance, you said no more.
Oh thanks God. That's so meaningful for me. You can keep this promise "I promise not to think negatively"
Please don't go away I beg you. Don't give it up I love you no matter what, I will try to understand you in every way. Seriously, I've never been this way before.
You're the one. Thanks for the chance. Thank you for teaching me things I didn't get before, about TRUST and FAITH.

Bugs? ☺

Don't let the bugs bite, if the do i'm gonna squeeze them tight and they'll never bite another night.

Don't let bug bites,but let me bite you instead ya,hehe:-*on cheeks more:-* on lips and hug

I love you to infinity and beyond :)

Can I name it 'untitled' ?

“Aku kan kuat, berlayar di laut.. Ntar nemuin pulau yg ga berpenghuni trus tinggal disana”

“oh ya? Sendirian dong?”

“ga, berdua..”

“berdua? Sama siapa?”

“....... sama kamu”

“..........................”

“hm, tapi kayanya kamu ga mau”

“hah kenapa ga mau? Aku mau kok. Mau bangeett”

About to get him/her off

This time I right to criticize you guys who are still dwell on one who don’t even think about you, I found that you just do something useless for the expectation that maybe it cannot be true.
Don’t you realize it that there’s a wish which can’t be true even when you still dwell on it and make an effort but your wish, hope, or expectation just pass as an unreachable thing.
In this case, I just wanna explore on simple thing,, like “Lovelife”.
Yeah you know its what always happen all the time and its like ‘euwwhh’ but sometimes ‘wow!’ When someone you love leave and he don’t care about you no more.
Hemm I don’t wanna judge you for you still have an authority with your own feelings to love him miss him or still care about him BUT, don’t you feel tired?
For me, this shits just make me fed up till I wanna puke.

I wanna ask you, with all your effort, tons of your tears, is he ever thinking of you? If not, he don’t deserve at all. Get over it, you gotta find a way how to make it without him.
I’ve been doing it all alone with my own self, and you know what? Its more comfortable because you can be more focus with your life.
Moreover if he already found another girl.. Ooh girls, please you should remove all things about him and stop being ‘menye-menye’. :D

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! WHAT’S DONE IS DONE!

I will write down tweets here:
“You have to stand up for what’s right, even if it means standing alone #DamnItsTrue”

“Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay” #TMO

“Look carefully, there’s so many happiness around you. All you have to do is clear the ‘fog’ in your eyes” #TheMoodBooster

“Missing someone is a horrible feeling, but knowing that they don’t miss you back is so much worse” #DamnItsTrue

and thiss from me: “I guess you’re dumb when you know you should be doing let go but you don’t”
Oh, one more thing: God knows our feelings. It’s just that we have to open our mouth and heart when we want HIM to listen. So, PRAY!! Because nothing’s better than share all your problems in prayer.

Going through it all, move on!

Well pals, its been a year i didn't even touch this blog haha actually since the first month on 2010 i posted a post.
Okay, hemm.... Where should I begin it all? Woaaahh i have lotta stories to tell 'till i confused where i've to start from. Hahaha :D

I agree with what agnes monica says on Chitato advertisement "LIFE IS NEVER FLAT"
On March, April and May I was feel butterflies but at that time I was in misery as well.
3 months that taught me to distinguish the differences between friend or lover.
The boy who was surrounding my mind, as the time went by and more expectation I wished but he didn't even realize my feeling. Finally I reached the point where I ought to say it first. Ok i told him that what i feel is more than just a friend.
Aaaaaahhh.. Can you imagine it? I'm a girl and i tell that boy about my feeling. Rrrrhh i felt terrible at that time.
Lucky me he could understand about it, but from "reviewing all files i got", I decided not to text/phone him again.
We were lose contact for two or three weeks but he 'poke' me by his tweet.
Guess what I got? I'VE GOT MY FRIEND BACK!!
Its good somehow after I told him and i guess we won't talk anymore finally I feel happy that he's still my bestfriend!
I'm definitely truly happy that we are friends till now :)

in the end of May and on the begining of June
I found a new guy. Lil bit annoying at the first I guess its his habit, he feels that he's cool yeah maybe..
He used to text me everyday
We were asking about what was happened in each other daily activities.
I never had a thought that he'd be my boyfriend but this is what occured on June.
Though he's very very nice, we were happy at that time but.... he did break it for some reasons. What i mean by 'reason' is till now i can't understand how could he make it as the reasons?
We were together, it took a month.. Its a short time but..... ah forget it

Gossshh i was terrible when he said it all over. So much tear drops i couldn't handle.

I tried to live July but it only become worst.
As he tried to flirt to another girls I look in to myself, why did I have to stay on this position.
So many sounds shouted that "YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON VER!"
it's like hemm, O-f*ckin-KAY, i'll try to move on.
Now he's in his relationship with idk who the hell she is.
Hey, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! Not anymore hahaha im moving on ryt? :D

As the time goes by I found a lot of lessons. All that happenned is teaching us a lesson, realize it guys!

The keys are: Forgive, Forget, Fully sincere

Oh, one more thing you should know:
Look at yourself pals, after all this time, after all tears wasted, and all that burn your mind and time, YOU'RE STILL HAVING LIFE AND YOU'VE GONE THROUGH IT ALL BY YOUR OWN-F*CKIN-SELF !
You are tougher than you know,
Say it to those jerks -->“C'mon hurt me as hard as you can, but one thing you should know that I will not give up, I will not be broken, I'll live it all”

Don't dwell on what was, cause the past is still the past ☺