hypnotized by the rain

The rain's pouring Jakarta at 02.45 PM.
I was purposely left the house, going to terrace checking for the rain, oh storm..
The thunder was terrible! and the flash was lightning as sharp as blitz.
They seemed like calling me outside.
But suddenly my body became numb. Doing nothing and saying no words.
I don't know why. Maybe mourning for what I've been through.
I was just stunned and I just really wanted to clear my mind because I thought raindrops could flush and take away all the existing heavy burden in my tired mind and heart.
Do you think I was crying in the rain, eh? No, I wasn't cry.
I was just stand and still.
My body became wet. Alls been wet that way till I type it right now. It was cold outside.
Numb for at least 5 minutes like I lost my mind, 'till I got it and realized how pathetic I am.
-___- I had to go back to my room and hit the bath once more. Outside? It's still raining.

Berasa dinyanyiin Walk Away - The Script

Aku takut ya, beneran takut.
Ini lirik kayaknya nampar banget, kayaknya berasa kamu nyanyi ini ke aku dengan omongan yg "...hope there's someone love you more than me" juga sejalan dengan sifat kamu yg mau menjauh, Diii. If you only knew, there's no one could love me better, but you.

Here is The Script's lyric:

I don't know why she's with me
I only brought her trouble since the day she met me
If I was her, by now I would have left me
I would have walked away
But now I've broken away
Somehow instead she forgave me
She said a woman's got to do what she's got to do
Even if it means she denied herself the truth
Cause when you're in too deep you wake up when it's too late,
You've fallen in love in the worst way
And if you don't go now then you'll stay
Cause I'll never let you leave, never let you breathe
Cause if you're looking for heaven, baby it sure as hell ain't me

So walk away (walk away)
Walk away, oh
Save yourself from the heartache, oh
Go now before it's too late
But still she stays

She's standing in the heart of darkness
Saying I know you got a soul even though you're heartless
How could any woman in their right mind be so blind,
To find something this safe
Instead of walking with me she should have walked away

She finds color in the darkest places
She finds beauty in the saddest of faces
For such a clued in, headstrong city girl
Could've had the world but she's fallen in love in the worst way
And if you don't go now then you'll stay
Cause I'll never let you leave, never let you breathe
Cause if you're looking for heaven, baby it sure as hell ain't me

So walk away (walk away)
Walk away, oh
Save yourself from the heartache, oh
Go now before it's too late
So walk away (walk away)
Walk away, oh
Save yourself from the heartache, oh
Go now before it's too late
But still she stays(Oh, yeah)
But still she stays(Oh, yeah)

I don't know why she's with me
I only brought her trouble since the day she met me
If I was her, by now I would have left me
I would have walked away

But you've fallen in love in the worst way
And if you don't go now then you'll stay
Cause I'll never let you leave, never let you breathe
Cause if you're looking for heaven, baby it sure as hell ain't me

So walk away (walk away)
Walk away, oh
Save yourself from the heartache, oh
Go now before it's too late
So walk away (walk away)
Walk away, oh
Save yourself from the heartache, oh
Go now before it's too late
But still she stays

But still she stays, eh
I'm saying walk away
Yeah
I'm saying walk away
(Save yourself from the heartache, go now before it's too late)
But still she stays
Still she stays
Yeah, she stays
She stays

1 chance, no more

have you ever had negative thoughts? I'm sure everyone had. And are those negative thoughts bothering you? obviously yes!
Who wants to think negatively? No one! but I must say that the thought must be cast away.
Honestly, this thought is torturing me. I know this is the result of bad experiences in the past. What so called the 'trauma'.
Throwing away trauma is as difficult as to throw away phobias.
It takes the process and also takes time.
Everything is not as easy as turning back your palm.
I learned to throw away the trauma and these negative thoughts.
Having bad thoughts about someone you love because you're afraid of losing him or ɑ fear being lied by is normal I guess. Why do you call it possessive? I'm not possessive, never crossed into my mind to be a possessive. I was in the time you feel tired of my will to learn this process, you decide to give up and make it end. I was panic, I messed up.
My tears dropped unrestrained. Chaos!
I tried to convince you several times not to end this. I apologized many times. I promised that night to throw away all those negative shits. I learned. Until you reach the point "ok then its up to you"
I asked you to say something about your decision.
You gave me one chance, you said no more.
Oh thanks God. That's so meaningful for me. You can keep this promise "I promise not to think negatively"
Please don't go away I beg you. Don't give it up I love you no matter what, I will try to understand you in every way. Seriously, I've never been this way before.
You're the one. Thanks for the chance. Thank you for teaching me things I didn't get before, about TRUST and FAITH.